Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Changing Filters, Feeling Intensely, and Lemon Square Recipe
I started snarling in rage and saying "Rude" I was upset and disrupted. My body hated the smoke. I hated it and I hated him. I turned the music on extra loud and proceeded to snap and snarl my rage. I kept the volume up until 1106pm. There are kids next door, although the Vietnamese people in the semi attached to here are far louder than I on a fairly consistent basis, plus it was before 11.
I began some soup stock today. Later I was doing dishes before I get to the big-stank-dirty-filter-put-on-nice-new-fresh-ones-for-a-real-lift-task-at-hand, and singing along with Prince, Another Love, I think it is called. New song, love it. I thought about the pain he was in physical pain. I heard that the trouble with opiates is they quickly intensify your pain. I dont know how that works but when I feel into it it feels excruciating.
I thought of the surgery he went through, the pain of that, the pain of knowing the pain was stemming from being on stage. I stopped doing the dishes and cried and cried. The pain we all go around in, mostly denying. No one wants to hear it, it is negative. All those things we learn to follow suit.
I am grateful I feel that when I allow myself to feel what I actually already feel, to feel when I am triggered etc that I feel Loving Light come into these places leaving me feeling better than I ever have in very real ways.
Loving Light is the real deal. Sometimes being positive is really not.
Daisy sent this recipe. A woman at her job made them for an office party. I can see why they are so tasty with the juice of not one but four lemons. They do not say to add the zest, however knowing me I will.