637 pm June 29
Gosh that totally sucked doing that awful job. Look at the filth, how much what the hell is that huh? Where does this mess come from?
|in the kitchen|
|in the hallway coming in the front door|
So hungry, so eating corn chips. I have left over brown rice with carrots, celery, arugula and herbs from my garden, Ginger garlic and egg to flavor it some more. Kind of boring but I dont have to cook. I could throw in some of the soup stock simmering on the stove top. It will simmer until tomorrow some time. Fuck this was hard. I geared up in an old night shirt to my lower thighs and panties, that was it. A scarf around my face, a hat and a scarf around my neck. Gloves. Glasses. I am happily out of the shower and in a clean dress and fresh panties. Glasses. Bare feet, hanging out in the back yard in the glorious shade. Birds chirping, ought to give them seconds on food. G is hanging out under the cedar trees and I have a cold coffee from this morning. This job was so much work. I am proud I am done it and proud I do so much stuff on my own with no help. Seriously though it took 6 hours to do it all. All I need now is a paycheck for it. I do quite a bit for no paycheck. I dont care about a pay check but I do care about paying my way. I am open to selling a painting any minute now, that would help a lot, both financially and lift my spirits too. I am basically happy. Let me get these birds some more chow while I sit out her in the beautiful evening, still light out. I love it. Okay done, the bird feeders replenished. I could go for a walk for sure later. I could use the exercise. Maybe I would stop by Daisy's and say hi and then maybe head to the Humber. Maybe not that far. Gosh I would like to go to a movie but that feels like too much.
|in the bathroom|
I did some templates for Paint A Canvas night yesterday.
|the furnace filter|
I came outside to sit in the chair and noticed the new spot the raccoons are making a mess of in the house. Oh poor old house with no one to care for it but me and I dont know how to fix this problem. I have a feeling I am going to be taking this landlord to the Rent Tribunal. I dont want to and that is why I have not yet but the problems pile on and the smell badness from upstairs increases in spite of changing all the filters. Poo yuck.
|Not sure what that round thing is bottom right, will go investigate soon|
My confidence level is not great. I am afraid still. I have a hard time imagining sharing my life with a man. It is not impossible to imagine and I do desire it. The next moment I do not desire it and want my life to unfold some more before anything like that happens. As I write this a crows balks to my left. A message caw caw caw. The sparrows chirp their pretty song in the cedar tree and some big truck grinds out on the street to my right.
|stuffing falling out from the roof|
|wildflower seedlings from seeds|
I planted some flowers from a box I got at the dollar store by my folks house in Burlington. An entire box of wild flower seeds for 2 bucks. I am starting to get wee seedlings now and it is tres exciting to see them develop. This is the happiest part of this page, these tiny green things so fresh and full of promise. There are many varietes in the box so which ones will grow here? How exciting and wondrous. The crow caws. The birds chirp. The keys tap and I feel like I cant wait to get out of her and go walk to Daisy's say hi to her, maybe grab a coffee on the way home.
I did good today. Now to find some cash to pay my bills. Or open up and allow it to appear at the right moment. I do like the thought of that. I imagine I already have the cash, I can pay my bills. I am doing what I need to be doing. I am inspired, help is on the way. Although I have lived this life, like this for decades I am not used to it. It is painful. I want more, I want this to change. I am independent and can take care of myself. I am not afraid and full of doubt anymore. This is my goal.