|Daisy in her new shoes, mani/pedi and her hair trimmed at the salon|
We went today and she looked sallow again. Her confusion was apparent and she seems so weak and frail. She is bare bones and we felt so sad and upset. It is more than sad, it is a million feelings all together that knock us out with exhaustion simply having them in our bodies and hearts.
My poor father is dealing with it as best he can. He is sad and on a kind of holding pattern waiting to see what happens. He has played guitar every day for years now and he is not playing almost at all.
I wish I could talk to them both for hours, say all the things, ask all my questions, let them know the depth of my love for them, how I appreciate them in a million ways.
I am sitting outside in the backyard in my private little spot. G the cat is out here somewhere. She was sleeping when I got home today so I held off coming out here until she woke up. The birds are chirping, "While you are there, how about some food? I means seriously you are right there and the feeders are like empty. Up ya go, go get us some food."
Fine I will. They soften their chirps with my decision. Now they have food. G is eating grass. I think she might rather be inside. It is chilly and no sun here now, although the sun is out. I could go sit in the front where the sun is but I like the privacy here.
I put all sorts of things in the garden to keep the wood chicks/ ground hogs at bay. I think it is working. They ate the kale and the beans down to mere stalks. I'll go in because G wants to. I have laundry to put away, dishes to do and who knows what else.
Began a painting on the 6' x 4' canvases I have had waiting for me to paint on. Number one is one the go. Raw umber, or burnt umber ground and then I chalked a grid. I chalked in some coordinates to begin and then went in with oil paint.
Very exciting working this large. Thoughts like, If I can sell this painting, then I can buy another big canvas and paint more big paintings. Visions of being at the Nathan Phillip Square show, making sales, getting my work out there, able to paint more and more and more.
There is many paintings I would like to paint. I love painting this size. Once I begin it does not feel as big as it is. I love covering the surface with paint. I desire a bigger space so I step back and see what I am doing.
|My father and I in front of his umbrella tree|
I watched a video of a kid who killed himself and then he comes back to speak to us of the other side and things like that. They asked about Harambe and the information that came back is there is no hierarchy. Humans are not higher on the scale than any other being.
Holding my cat tonight I was warmed to believe this was true. She is every bit as precious and aware as I am. I thanked her for sharing her life with me.