Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Two Whales Found Washed UP Dead in England and Bell Telephone tries to Act Like They Give a Shit

So many people are writing about mental illness because Bell has decided to endorse it. I hate Bell, they are a greedy corporation who is simply greedy. I am not falling for their stupid ploy. I cant stand the posts of heartfelt sentiments by people I love with the stupid hashtag with Bell's name in it.

Start treating people like people and stop gouging everyone and maybe I would get behind this conglomerate.

Speaking of conglomerates my heat is breaking so hard I cant bear it. My chest is killing me as I read two whales washed up dead in England. I couldnt read the article and I cant post the pictres here but I have been sitting on the floor with my arms and head over my sewing stool balling my eyes out. The pain I feel tastes so bad. I dont know how to process this. We people are terrible, the things we do and have done. We have ruined Earth and continue to. These ginat majestic beings wash up dead. We pollute everything we touch. My throat feels like it is bleeding, the pain I feel like stab wounds. Thinking, feeling into these giants in pain and dying because of us. I cant shed enough tears, I cant cry loud enough or hard enough. I put some soup on to heat and now I am sick. I feel sick as cold tears rock down my face. I feel powerless.

My nose runs and my vision clouds over. What can I do? I dont like this place. I dont want to live here, there is no room for me. I dont fit in and I dont want to. I teleport myself to their enormous corpses and lie against them sobbing, wishing them Light. Wishing them love. Asking forgiveness for us crazy people on this planet. I am so sorry we have killed everything beautiful off. So many things are going extinct. We ruin everything. I wish I could run somewhere and hide for the rest of forever.

I feel my friend Rick from Australia who died this past year, maybe I can lie in his arms as I sob.

I feel sad as ever. I feel like I swallowed a cookie sheet, it hurts so much.

F@ck Bell.

Please whales, please find peace. I am so sorry. Our oceans have whales and our race sucks. We people suck really hard. I know not all of us.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

This House was Crying in My Dream

Water poured from the upstairs from one spot. There was some piece of vanilla butterscotch colored plastic, semi-round, like a curved vent and water squirted out. I was alarmed. It was sunny out, only this house. It was crying maybe. I woke up scared and disturbed.

I am going to work on a gouache painting for a customer whose stepfather did ink prints and sold them as prints or he colored them in. I am going to color one in for his stepson. I hope it turns out well and more work comes in.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

In Bed With an Omelette and Coffee

The plan was to paint during the sunset today, the full moon in Leo but instead I sat on the couch and began teaching my 7 year old neighbor to read. He is having a hard time. I was impatient at the end. He had no ability, very little ability to retain the words he figured out. I felt like my mother. I was teaching to read like my mother taught me. "Sound it out. What sound does that letter make".

English is hogwash, there are no hard and fast rules making it tough to teach a beginner. He did sweat his way through two paragraphs. It took us probably close to an hour. We were both exhausted by the end of it. I am eager to see next time if he retained the bit he learned. I gave him the book to take home to show her what he learned.

I took him to the library the other day. We walked which was pretty far for the little guy. By the time we were almost home he was dragging his feet and out of energy.

On the way there we went under the bridge on Jane and St Clair to the library on the corner of Jane and Dundas. Earlier that day he came out with me when I went to feed the birds. I whistled to the birds as I sometimes do. I whistle and in my head and heart I am telling them all about myself and my lie, how I am feeling, what I am afraid of, who made me mad, how happy I am and whatever I feel, I whistle it to the birds.

Caplan had a hard time whistling but he did a bit. On the way to the library we took the back alley ways and played a game where we took turns whistling and tried to guess what the other person was feeling. Sad, mad, scared, happy were the ones we started with. We had a great time and Caplan ended up adding giggling to our repertoire.

Once we got under the bridge I told him to yell as loud as he could. I yelled and scared him, oops sorry. "Okay your turn yell really loud, no one can hear you, they all have theri windows closed and it is so loud in here."

I watched him open his mouth and nothing. It was like he was stuck. It was like those dreams when you need to yell and you cant. He could not yell.

I growled and encouraged him to do the same. He did and in no time I had him yelling pretty loud. "Now add stomping" We stomped and yelled and then laughed and I felt better and I was sure he did too.

We got him some easy reading books and a couple of a bit harder that I plan to read to him. We got some learn to draw books and some dvd's. One of them he chose was a learn to draw dvd.

By the time we got back here he was exhausted. I made him some hot chocolate and he watched a video. He got bored of that and watched the drawing video. He watched another video and then watched the drawing video and followed along. He was deep into it. He was at my house from 2pm until I finally sent him home at 10pm. I was making soup stock and a couple of turkey drumsticks. I made him carrot sticks with pink salt, then some french fries made with organic potatoes, coconut oil s&p baked in the oven. When the turkey was done I gave him a bit of that.

Today he was here at 1 and left around 7. I finally painted the moon lit scene and worked on aother one and then went for a brisk walk for an hour and a half to clear out cobwebs and hopefully realign my body and stuff, help me get some balance.

Earlier to day I watched a part of a video I came across online. It is a short bald black man wearing a black tunic-like dress to the ground in black with inverted pleats that have red and black embroidery between teh pleats. It almost looked like Buffalo plaid, which would have been a cool look.

He was a pastor in a church. he had his palms out to his congregation saying "I want to pray for someone today. Here we are in front of God and I want to pray for someone today. Who is hurting..."

A tall woman--or he is simply super short--came up. She was very emotional and could barely speak. Her shame was holding her back. The feeling of being in front of God was overwhelming her. The pastor asked her what her problems were and she sputtered that her husband was going to leave her, he told her he was and she was not going to let him go.

The pastor asked her if her husband would talk to her?" No.  She was blubbering and losing it. The pastor kept telling her, "I want to talk to you a bit..." but she kept crying and losing it, starting to wail.

The pastor folded his arms and rolled his eyes. He hated the "scent" she was causing. The nature of the psot was "No wonder her husband wants to leave her".

As I walked I thought how wrong this was. Think about it, the woman is in front of God. That is what the pastor said. That is what you intend when you go to church. She was about to recieve God's love and blessing and all the feelings of anguish and rejection, neglect she felt from her husband were triggered and she was having an emotional break down. This man would have been a far better man had he told her, "That is fine, let it out. Maybe go sit over there where we can go on with the sermon, until to let it out. Maybe Ms Mable will come and hold you while you cry it out and when you are ready then we will pray for you, take your time, you are obviously very upset and we want you to feel it is okay to let it out."

Instead he made her wrong. He needs to be in control. That is why he is upset. He wanted to do some show, his show of praying for someone and he couldnt get a word in edgewise so the focus was no longer on him and he didnt liek that. like a bossy mean short kid, he got violent. Not physically but got enraged that she wouldnt "listen to him".

We need to stop judging emotionality as something wrong. We need to make room for it.

When I got home I thought about how much dementia seems to hitting our society. I projected 10 years when my generation is of an age where full blown dementia has so many numbers there were not enough people to care for them. I sensed a kind of lawlessness, too many people suffering and not enough aid to deal with it. My hope is that with sustainable diet, which sustains our bodies, hearts and minds we will move away from all the deadly medications given to sick folks.

My mother has been on a Tylenol 3 diet for ages. She loves them. They seem to be the only thing that helps her sleep through the night from her chronic itching. Her new doctor is a woman and she does not want my mother taking them all the time. My mother wants them and feels she is living proof that it is okay to take them. They give her relief. "She probably doesnt want you to take them because they are hard on your body" I said on the phone with her earlier today.

"That is what she said" referring to her new doctor. The doctor gave her a prescription of 30 of htem and told her to try not to take them. I wish my mother rest. I wish it for us all.

I bought a coffee on the way home from my walk. It is a full moon. I usually do not sleep on a full moon so I decided not to fight it. I treated myself to a coffee. I thought I might continue to paint but decided to get into bed with an omelette and my coffee and write here. Maybe do some knitting. Watch a youtube. I have been watching/listening to meditation ones. On Financial Abundance mostly. This one linked here I "met" the founder of that process on pof.

I wrote a good friend about how hard things are right now financially and she told me that "Most everyone needs help at some point, so please don't hold back because you are ashamed or something." It was good to hear that. I felt less like a pariah.

Tomorrow I will put some images here.

Sunset Painting Moonlit Trees and Wishing for a Healthy Planet

Made turkey stock yesterday and finished it today. Celery has gone from $3.49 organic up to $4.99. I resisted buying it but buckled today. It is either not around or 5 bucks. The stalks are scrawny with big spaces around each piddly one. Feelings of doom for our food settle a little harder into my body. Sadness what have those punks done to our food? To our bees?

I need the celery for the soup I am going to make later.

I am going to catch the dying light of the day to paint one more choice in the tree themes. I will come post it later and finish this post then too.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Called 911 On My Neighbor and the Next Paint Night Images

My sister told me to tell as many people as possible about this, so I am telling you.

My neighbor has been abusing me and last night was again really bad. He has the upstairs apartment. I have been painting in the kitchen to be as far away from him as possible, and so he could not tell I was home. I was painting without making a sound. I was wearing ear phones before he got here. I did not turn the overhead light on because he scares me and I knew he was likely to be a nuisance--too mild of a word--a violent aggressive abusive jerk. I am taking a break from painting. I feel ill and need to sit down. I am sitting mostly in the dark .

He has been bothering me for ages. I already called the police on him once because he threw my bike out on the porch three times. He wrecked my bike and I had to get it fixed. He did not pay for the repairs. He broke my kitchen light from stomping. Three times I had to get the tubes replaces and finally he broke the whole thing. My sister's partner came over and installed a new light fixture for me.

Right now waiting for the police to show up. My neighbor came in a little while ago, pounding on my door saying I turned the heat off. Did not.

 He called me a piece of garbage at least 6 times. He threatened me and called me a psyco f**cking B**ch. He calle dme a fscist.  called 911 while he ranted and was so grateful the officer on the other end talked nicely to me, asked me questions while this guy hollered. I was glad the cop could hear him. He was screaming that I was calling my friends to talk shit about him but really I was on the phone with the police.

He smokes cigarettes up there and I am allergic so he came down and had one outside my door while he ranted. After I got off the phone with the police, I moved to paint into the kitchen while he stomped and ranted. It has been three days in a row this time, morning and night. I put headphones on, lsitened to music,  and turned the tape recorder to record this jerk, only I was so upset I forgot to plug it in. At least I didnt listen to all the terrible and scary things he was saying I hope they get here soon. He will go to sleep and snore so I can hear him. He is gross and disgusting and insults me, threatens me and terrifies me.

I hope the police get here soon. It has been about an hour I think. I am hungry but too scared to eat. I realize how long this has been going on and I somehow let it. Did I think I deserved it?  I didnt dial right, it took me three times to call 911. I was shaking so hard. It was like I was not myself.  I finally managed to dial and held the phone up so the cop could hear. I was too scared to say anything because the dick would have heard me. I didnt have the phone on speakerphone like I usually do, which was smart of me in my tremors and spasms of fear and shock. I could hear the cop saying "Hello"

I moved to the kitchen with the phone and asked if he could hear him and he said he could. I was so grateful. Now they have proof what happened and if it happens again. I was glad the cop kept talking to me.

The dick did not stop. He stomped and stomped. Did my asshole landlord not tell him he wrecked the light? He must have said something because the upstairs dick said I changed the electric and I am not allowed to do that. I wish the cops would come now. That asshole will go to sleep. I want to move on. I want to make something to eat.

I called my sister. I wanted company on the phone but she is not answering her phone. I left her a message and later she told me she could hear him being terrible to me, calling a fascist. I wanted her partner to come here with his baseball bat and bash his knees in.

The cops came an hour and a half later. He told me he had 5 weeks holidays and would take two in a row to stay here and bother me everyday. He told me he would embarrass me when I had company. I told the cops some of what he said. They knocked on his door and went up to to talk to him. They told me he said he would leave me alone, but at midnight started stomping on the kitchen ceiling.

 It has been physically and mentally very hard on me these past few days.

I am struggling to pay my rent and this on top of it made me feel so bad.

Otherwise I am good.

This next Paint Night is a tree based theme. There are the ideas I came up with. Which one do you like best? Which one would you like to paint?

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Paint Night and Fear of My Neighbor

Paint Night was a blast. I had a wonderful time. I was nervous and some of the painters were nervous. I was nervous I had bitten off too much for them to chew but everyone did so great.

Paint Night

On a more super depressing note, right this minute my neighbor is knocking on my door, he is such an asshole, I hate his guts more than anything. I hate him

"I am going to embarrass you when you have friends over. By the way my vacation time started all over, I am going to take two straight weeks just to drive you crazy. I missed work because of you"

What? He missed work because of me? Why does this piece of shit threaten me? His smelly cigarettes and his creepiness are a fat drag. He is a fat loser.

He is the biggest creepy oozy asshole I hate his guts and pray he rots and dies really quickly. Like the way he makes my stomache feel. The way my face curls he is so gross.

I had a plant on the mat to keep it down on the porch. A small clay pot. Under the mat is rotten wood. I put the mat there to protect the wood. lately he has been moving it everyday so I left him a note saying, "Not sure you are moving the plant but it is keeping the mat down that is helping keep the porch from further rotting. Please leave it there to help protect the porch. Thanks"

He tore the note down screaming. He was screaming. I dont know what he was saying because I wasnt right there and I had my music on but I could hear him losing hi smind, "Someone is going to trip"  What?  No they are not dick head.

Then this morning he was screaming early in the morning. Again not sure what about. He woke me up and I heard him saying "I cant wait til you wake up."

WTF is this toad about? I was scared to go out of my door in case he had a booby trap. I heard a big crash.

When I got up I went out the side door so I could suss the situation. I didnt notice anything. He hadnt thrown my bike out like he did the last few times, until I phoned the police. He wrecked my bike and just that he touched it curdles my soul.

In the living room two paintings fell down from him banging. I hate him. Take him away God, please.

Now he is saying the heat is not on. What a douche. He makes me sick and ruins things. I hate him so much.  A friend sent me an emergency LED flashlight and a door jam thing. It makes me feel safer. it was nice of him to look out for me like that too.

Get out of my life bad guys

Friday, January 15, 2016

Paint Night # 3 Tomorrow Night

Getting ready for about 8 people at my place tomorrow. Very exciting. Lots to do. I am trying to get some samples done so I can see how long it will take, try to access degree of difficulty and rate of success. Getting my laundry done, cleaning the house. I only wish there was time to bake but there is not.

I went on my bike to the dollar store to get some plates for folks to use as palettes. I hate that they are styrofoam.  Styrofoam is bull crap. But I am using it.  I stopped off to treat myself to a coffee. Gosh my funds are so bad and it hurts so much.

I lost sleep last night worrying.

I wam working on trusting the universe, on visualizing things working out but it is hard to believe. I must because it must work out. I do not want to not have my rent. I know some of the people at that Tim Horton's and am nice to them so I was happy when I got home and instead of the two timbits I was indulging in, they had put three in the bag. Gosh I love those and havent had one in ages. Mostly because I baked and ate that but I am clean out now.

Okay back to work, will post pics of the event soon.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Trusting in the Universe, My Needs are Valid and Job Fair for Shoeless Joe's

It is 730 pm quiet in here, the cat is sleeping. The jazz radio station is on quietly in my bedroom where I am headed soon. Feel tired, need my bed, watch some youtubes, do some knitting and sleep. I meant to get some painting done today for Saturday's Paint Night instead my soul droopy eyes me into a chair at my kitchen table where I rarely ever sit.  I mostly use this table to prepare food, to put things on it. It feels nice, the heat from the stove behind me and the heat from the vent beside me. I can sit in a good position to type, my fingers, back, butt and legs are like wow we sit in front of this computer a lot. Putting my forearms on the top of the table restfully. I sit up straight, put my feet and knees together and make the most out of this moment. I like the flannel warm air coming out to my left.

There are mushrooms in the oven. I bought them awhile ago and they had brown spots on them. I googled to see whether they were safe to eat. They were not slimy and when I cut the brown spots away the mushroom was white. I threw them int he pan with butter, garlic and rosemary. I plan to have a burger. Not because I want to kill a cow at all. I do not.

I am going to eat a bun made with white four too. Kind of dense ciabatta.

 Met a guy at Starbucks from pof today at 130pm. Not to date but to buy a painting. He may buy one for $250.00 Thank goodness. Out of cash today. There is enough for my rent in the bank and then we are scraping dirt.

Lately it has been about trusting in the universe and that my needs are valid. This is what my focus is these days, the issues I am processing. I trust the universe and My needs are valid. I love the universe dearly but I am not sure I have ever really trusted it. I have wanted to for decades. Living with my back against the wall, where will the rent come from, I have wanted to trust.

In all this time even when things were super bad deep gems glittered around me. Each time I would feel like there was no way out from smashing into the wall. Nights spun around and around at a furious pace, I could feel myself whirling down. I could feel the powerful suck hole getting closer and closer. I could look down into the blue abyss swirling downward like a mighty vacuum, I prayed cried and did everything I could to keep it at bay.

Even the couple of times I was homeless I was okay, I was all right. I was kept safe. I pulled through.

Here I am again. The universe educates me to trust but the feeling need to feel it. My needs are valid. This is an easier one to navigate. Tapping into my needs being valid helps me make choices, helps me contextualize my experiences.

The kind universe having intimate knowledge of my reality brushed me comfortingly with two checks, one for 60 bucks, the other for 68 bucks arrived from Revenue Canada
Later int he afternoon I put the nice Calvin Klein suit on Gitiku's mother gave me when I helped her clear out her things to move to High Park. I put on some make-up and nice shoes. Said a few prayers.

I had already printed out my resume, revised the cover letter I already sent them, printed out the reference letter and headed on my bike to the place. I got lost, the interviews were not being held at the new place which is still being built but rather at an office nearby somewhere. Uck I got lost and it was cold out. I finally found it with the help of some people on the street when I asked them directions.

There were lots of people there. A man and a woman were manning the desk. They were nice. The guy had tats all around his neck, that put me right at ease. I told them I had been following this restaurant for ages. I told them I sent them an email application, they have them on their website. Then I sent a cover letter and a resume through regular mail to their corporate offices. They said "Oh wow, good for you" as though they were impressed. The thing is they were from that corporate office so how come no one contacted me, or knew. Maybe this job fair ws the only way they were recruiting. Or maybe they did not dig my resume.

I had to fill out their application, was like re-doing my resume and some other paperwork. I sat in the chair, aware that I wanted to come across as a nice person cheerful but not fake. I didnt chat like I normally do, trying to behave like most people do. Although when I heard the woman say she was going to get water and not sure where to go, I spoke up because I live in the area and told her where she could get some.

I sat up straight, palms open and facing down on my lap, fingers together. Legs together and slightly bent to the left.

When it was my turn, about 20 minutes later the woman went in the separate room to talk to the interviewer guy. I had a feeling she was telling him about me already contacting them. I had a good feeling about that.

I am not sure how I did. They said they would send an email.  Then again I heard him tell he people at the desk to get this applicant a "cocktail uniform". He asked me what I was doing with my art education. I told him I had a website, a little business and I did Paint Night. He stopped me then and told me they had Paint Night at Shoeless Joe's, Duncan and King, new thing, on Monday nights.

"Oh that is so cool, I could do that".

He asked me some questions like how did my art work add to me being a server. I said how perceptive I was to people that I could read them. In the end I ended up saying that I felt working in the restaurant industry was really about Love. I was surprised when he agreed.

Maybe since he did not ask me about the uniform I did not get in? He interviewed the girl who got the uniform straight up ahead of me. Then another interviewer came and got the paper with pictures of the various uniforms off his desk for another young woman being interviewed a few feet away.

Will I get it? Can I trust the universe to help me get through the next couple of months? They are not opening for a month. Can I trust that if I do not get the job it is better for me and not something to beat myself up about? These awful feeligns that surface like I wont/did not get it and therefore I am a loser and I wil be homeless...

These are painful. I back myself. My needs arevalid and I need to take care of myself, pay my stupid bills to the man who does nothing to help this house while it falls down more and more all the time.

I had a horrid flood, the roof is falling off in pieces, I find shingles and slate on the ground. I am grateful to be dry and warm right now.

No wonder I want to go to bed now. After I eat my burger that is almost done cooking. Need to toast the bun and that ought to be it.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Mercury Retrograde and Dating

January 7 2015 819pm

Mercury is retrograde right now. Missed communication, bad time to commit to anything, buy a new car, sign anything and all that sort of thing. An example my phone started having a ridiculous crackle in it today making talking on the phone annoying. 1045pm Later this same night: My cat wanted out so I opened the front door. I saw a cop car parking on the street near my house, and two cops getting out (Are they on pof, single?--lol Since I been on pof I wonder if the men I see about town in my age group, "Are they on pof? Might they recognize me?" haha). I figured they were going to the kid across the streets house. I was on the phone with my cousin for the second time in an hour. Both times we were having a hard time with the connection of my phone.

She called the first time because her computer went nuts opening windows she could not close, she ended up letting some guy who showed up as the "only way out" onto her computer remotely. I asked to check for alien icons on her tool bar or desktop and yup. I told her to call my younger brother, he is the Windows PC guy, he knows his shizit. She called me back to tell me what my brother told her to do to uninstall. I was in the middle of telling her about Mercury retrograde being a real messer-upper, where things like this seem to happen so much more when-- Guess what?--Yup the cops were coming to MY gate. I was already outside as I was letting the cat out, getting a bit of fresh air, chat, chat, chat with my cousin. They were coming because my phone static called 911. Can you believe it? My phone static called 911. "You all right? Everything okay?" they asked me.

I heard the one of the cops call and ask for a call back, and the woman cop saying it was reported static on the line.They told me to call Bell, my provider. After they left, I called, the recording said the problem has already been reported and someone will fix it tomorrow between noon and 5. I spoke to no one. Holy shmoses

Mercury retro-grade ends January 25. Until then a good time to re-organize, renovate, reminisce, rejuvenate, read, relax, re-visit, re-examine. Be good to myself and the people around me, now more than ever!

In case you want a bit more info on Mercury retrograde:

"...Mercury retrograde happens when the planet Mercury passes between the Earth and the Sun. Because Mercury’s orbit is about 84 days, this happens three times a year. While the retrogrades typically last about 22 days, there is a margin on either side of two to three weeks where the influences can be felt.

Mercury is not made of mercury. It has a huge core with a very high density, leading astronomers to believe that it’s made mostly of iron. In fact Mercury is believed to have the highest iron content of any planet in the Solar System.

This is all another way of saying Mercury retrograde means a huge magnet passes between the Earth and the Sun, making its closest pass to our planet at the same time. This may explain why devices act weird, but I think that it also helps explain why the mind gets wonky, such as the tendency to lose things, or to perceive problems as being worse than they are — the nervous system runs on electricity. The mind is a device that is, at least on the physical plane, rooted in electricity and magnetism..."

Friday, January 1, 2016

New Year 2016 Cooking Lentils to Eat for Good Luck in the Upcoming Year

The New Year is here. Good bye 2015.

Welcome 2016. I am hoping it is a kinder gentler year for all of us. I have been wanting to come here many times over the last couple of weeks but so busy with other things.

Parna is purring on my lap, I am in bed at 1105 am January 1st 2016, woo hoo.

The sparrows have not been coming around in a couple of weeks now. Some predator bird got one and now where are they? The squirrels come eat the food, I saw a couple of female cardinal sightings in the past two days but where are the sparrows?

The pigieons come around and someone knocked down the bird feeder which is now laying on the ground. When my cat gets off me I will go save it. The squirrels love it, they can march right in.

I need a headboard so much. I ought to research how to make an inexpensive easy one.

It is said to be good luck to eat lentils on this day. I have a pot fo them soaking to cook today. Oops I dont have an onion so I hope it turns out without one. I am planning on making dahl, the Indian lentil recipe.

I made another recipe yesterday with lentils, which I ate some of. It was not enough to share, I only had one chicken breast. I used a recipe I found on the internet. I left out the fennel, I didnt have any. I didnt have kale either, although I got tow baby leaves out of the garden. I have some boxed organic spinach I can have it with today but yesterday I had itwithout.

Parna off my lap, time to go save the bird feeder and give whoever is out there some fresh water. It is frozen in a bowl, The sparrows not coming around has depressed me a bit and I didnt put water out for a couple of days, but need to go fix that, whoever, whatever bird, squirrel or possum is out there might need some.

1159am Okay that is done, the bird feeder is back up and full, the water bowl is changed. I am sitting at my desk with my warm blob of a cat on my lap. I started the lentils. I used onion powder instead of onions, hardly the same but it will work in a pinch I hope.

I am going to do a wad of dishes and get the kitchen all sorted. I will take some of the lentils over to Daisy to bring her luck too.

I just heard Natalie Cole died. Wow that feels like a waste. People live and die, it is freaky.

The dating thing is a fun distraction but no scores yet. I rarely see a guy I feel anything for and when I do it usually peters out before it gets to anything more than a couple of email exchanges on pof.

My neighbor playing with the toy my godfather made. My mom gave it to me because the toy I had he made, which a Dutch wooden shoe with a little man in it like a driver and a pull string, I gave away to some kid in NYC when I lived there. I was whining about it and my mother gave me this one.