Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Divisive "Living"

Deeply disturbing last little while. I was talking via email to a guy on pof. He is a single dad. He is 60 an dhis kid is 8 or 9. He told me he has sole custody of his son. My heart went out to him, that must be difficult.

Finally we spoke on the phone last night and he told me his full name and to google him. He was giving me a heads up as to what I would find if I googled him on my own. At first I did not find the obvious links which were actually first. An example of how things can be in plain sight and not seen. I saw he owned a Canadian Tire store. That is pretty cool.

He bad-mouthed his ex. He told me he had another 21 year old son. I felt a twinge of jealousy. I have not been married and have no children. I wanted children in context of a family. A man who I loved and loved me back and a wanted child. It did not work out.

I liked his voice and we laughed. He laughed at me and my points of view. We planned to meet for coffee next week.

Later he sent me some more pictures of himself. I asked him if he had any without his son. In all the pictures on his profile he is holding his son really tightly. It felt a bit ominous. Maybe his son has mobility issues, like Parkinson's? I felt somewhat unnerved by the intensity of his hold on his kid. I felt bad as soon as I asked him for a picture of him without his kid. He said he only has pictures of himself with his son or fish, which he assured me he throws the fish back to let them swim away. Maybe he keeps one for the BBQ he said.

I am not sure how the subject came up but he said he used to hunt. That he was born in '56 when hunting and fishing were a thing.

He said he used to hunt when he was younger, and then when he emailed later he said he ate all the meat he shot but he doesnt do that anymore but he does not make apologies for how "we" thought earlier.
Later he emailed me after I sent him pictures of me, he had asked for more. I sent him one of me at the beach with Daisy. She had written my name in the sand and the date for my birthday. Daisy wasnt in the picture, she took me to Wasaga for my birthday. He replied back, "Ciffyvanlooadoo is your sister?..."

I wrote back that I was confused. He knew that was my name. I was smelling a rat, red flags began to fly. He wrote back that it was "a guy dumb" What? I dont see how that is a guy thing.

So I googled again

Oh my god. The link opens and there he is holding up a giant majestic dead leopard that he shot and killed and he is smiling. The link is poorly written, bad grammar all through and plainly poorly written. All about how he got sole custody of his first child and now he has sole custody from his second marriage and his second child. It sounded like he didnt live with the kid for the first 7 years of his life. The mom had him but then he got a good family lawyer and paid her well enough that he ended with the kid. It said he paid out a million bucks for the court case and the case was not fair. Whoever has the most money wins. It said he was charged with physically assaulting his wives, or wife. It said that he shot a gorilla. The picture of  him holding that giant dead leopard seared into my heart and my head.

Red flags were waving all over. I wrote him and said I found the link and would take a pass on meeting him that I was not in a place to handle it. I then wrote and asked him if he ate the wold cat. He said he ate what he killed no exceptions. Did he eat a gorilla/ i am heartsick and nauseated about this. he said he was getting a court order to make that link go away. I feel sorry for women who will enter into a relationship with him and not know this about him

Red flags. He claimed he hunted due to when he was born. Robert Bateman born in 1930 has never killed/murdered an animal. Lame excuse. He said he stopped hunting when he was young, when we were on the phone and then when I asked him if ate the poor dead leopard he said he stopped hunting ten years ago. That was 2006. He was 50. He was neither young, nor was that very long ago in terms of consciousness.

Red flags. He said he didnt have pictures of himself because he only got his picture taken when he was with his son or fishing. He emailed me with his iphone. Yeah so take a dang selfie dude.

I feel sick to my guts about this. I feel sorry for that kid who is deprived of his mom. His older son is deprivd of his mom. He was abusive physically. How awful. He comes off as faultless, the victim.

I will not look at Canadian Tire the same again and I will not get the picture of that poor murdered wildcat from Zimbabwe out of my head or heart. How can you murder and animal like that and then eat it?

He reminds me of Trump. Trump is divisive. He is not inclusive. His sons shoot wild animals.

I had a nightmare last night about an animal eating another animal live in one gulp. Today kind of sucked. The whole day had a rag full of gasoline laid over it, putrid and horrid.

I ran out of ink and had to go to Staples on my bike. Luckily it had stopped raining. I was fretting because of how broke I am and buying ink is not an expense I felt I could manage, but I did. That's how it is, I need something, I get it. I get it and hope for the best.

I went out in the garden and raked the front and back yard. The sun had come out. That was nice. I had a shower and then made some roasted vegetables and chicken legs that I just finished eating some. I will turn the rest into soup tomorrow.

I havent pained in so long. So long since I have painted. I really miss it. I need to paint but I have been too sad or something. I have been knitting and other things. I miss painting. I need to paint soon.

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