Thursday, June 30, 2016

Holiday Weekend Darn it I Feel Blue

This is a beautiful day. I took my 7 year old neighbor to the new water park not far from here. We saw this rainbow in the sky and a rainbow around the sun. It was crazy. Gay pride weekend banner from the universe? I wish I was happier though. I am so poor it is frightening me and sickening me.

 How do I survive? I admit I am jealous of people that can go to the cottage and things and I do not have my rent. I feel out of place like I have no safe place for me. I like doing the Paint A Canvas nights but it is not enough to pay my bills. I am not sure what happens now. I went to the park to throw a giant bag of soup stock remnants out in the public garbage and ran into a neighbor and her little boy. She told me she is moving, she got a job offer in London ON.

Her parents live out there and they can buy house twice the size of the bunglalow they have now for half the price they pay here.

It gave me a lift to see someone else doing well, having things work out for them. I had a friend over last week to work on a painting she started and did not finish. She expressed interest in this big painting.
I wish she would buy it so I can pay my rent and stop fretting like mad. They say everything happens for a reason. I want some nice uplifting things to happen for me.
New filters on all the vents look so much better.

It is difficult to trust things will work out when I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do not wish to be depressed this holdiay weekend but I feel down as shit right now. I want to paint but it is hard to paint when I feel this down.

I am going to do the dishes and eat something.

I may go to bed early. I am sitting in the backyard because G is out here. I am cold in my flimsy dress.

I am grateful for many things in my life. I have my clothes in the dryer, I watered the plants. I have music to listen to. I might stay sad all night, it feels like it now.

No comments:

Post a Comment