The Cold Weather, Ghosting, Helen Mirren's Sound Advice

Argh the snow. I dont like winter and it is still fall. Uck. I am sneezing and dont want to go out there. I dont like being cold. Today when I went out to feed the birds I noticed a sunflower that grew from the bird food was bent over, like an animal knocked it over, I tried to take it, but the stem was gooey-ish, so I went in and got the scissors. I took in every sunflower that was wilty like that. They are in a jar across from my bed. None of them have bloomed and I am so wanting to paint them.

From a clip about ghosting and how it is a new social more. I do not approve.

Parna is back on my knees, she was off the bed for hours while I sat here rolling around the internet and knitting. She wants to get at those flowers. She is purring so sweetly between my thighs and knees, her head toward my feet. I love having her in my life.

I came across a thing where this professor was talking about "ghosting", how young kids are doing it, the first boys and girls likeing each other and "getting nothing" as a response to texts, the new creepy way relationships are going. It reminded me of Gituku. My anger welled up, what a dick. I wrote him an email I sent to myself instead, he does not deserve my mail. I feel like telling him nothing in his life will work out because he has been a douchebag to me. His love life will suck, his health will suck because of the way he has been so shitty to me. Here is what I wrote under this picture I sent him, "But not me, I will not get used to it. Oh and fuck you. Yeah fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. Actually fuck off is better, okay yeah, fuck off.

Yeah he does not even deserve this crap note here. I have done so little today it annoys me. I am used to getting things done, working until I am ready to call it a day, make something to eat and go to bed to roll around the internet or read. I dont read like I used to. God I am on this computer so much it is a bit sickening.

I did write a cover letter to send to a company that is opening a restaurant close by. I would love to never waitress again but I need the money, I need to stop worrying so much. Will I get hired, or do I look too awful to be a server. Awful as in too old? I dont want the job because I want to be a painter. I want the job to see if I can get it but mostly so I can pay my bills.