Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Starving Artist Gala, Dating Profile Here and Gone, The Bike Ride Along Lake Ontario, and the Humber River with My Sister

On my way to start my day. I feel a bit choked up so I will side step here and jot something down. Like putting a blanket around my shoulders when I am cold. MY cat jumped into my lap warming up my thighs. Well, that lasted a minute, not comfortable enough for her.

I have an invitation to show at some place they call The Ballroom. It is not a ballroom at all though, I think. It is on Church Street. My niece sent me the link via facebook. It is called the DEC 18 Starving Artist Holiday Gala @ The Ballroom

Are you a Visual Artist & would like to display your work professionally?
Interested in making extra money, during the Holiday Season?
Would you like to network with Industry professionals?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, come join this exciting opportunity to showcase your talent. You may contact us in the following ways; Write to StarvingArtistToronto@gmail.com of your interest. You’re welcome to submit your work at 69 Queen Street East by December 1st 2015 (no later than 4:00 PM). Please provide your full contact; Your Full Name, the Title of you Art and its Price. A short description of your Art-piece and the material used to make the art, would also be beneficial.

I contacted them and they sent an email back saying I needed to be struggling with housing, addiction, mental health. I wrote them back and said I was struggling with this stuff and went inot some detail, to which they wrote back basically too much information but basically yeah, I qualify. No signature. They also told me my work was beautiful, which is always lovely to hear. More email exchanges and still no signature, or introduction as to who I was speaking with. I finally asked and got a name. They told me, he told me, they would like some bigger pieces. I asked who was attending, who are the industry professionals, who would be hanging the show and where would the work be between the 1st and the 18th, the night of the show? He sent me a number to talk to someone else.

You can tell they are used to talking a bit down to people, or that the people they talk to are not altogether home--no pun intended. He told me to photograph my work before I brought it. He told me to call this particular number to ask my pertinent questions and then immediately sent another email back saying not to call now, it was like 10pm but during office hours. Even not signing a name kinda felt like that. I am not sure what this place is. It is a drop-in centre which sounds cool. I like the idea of showing in a venue like this because it is close to the bone of where I am and have been in my life.

I called my godmother yesterday. Her husband died a few years ago. They were in this lovely little elf home in a "village" for older folks, well you can move in when you are 55. You give them a bunch of money and you lease the place until the end of your life. In a case like my godmother, you get moved into the building where they feed you and take care of you. My aunt can barely walk now.

She is in Hamilton and she panics in the winter, she doesnt want her children driving to see her, it is an hour each way and dangerous in the bad weather. Her daughter died last year and it is so sad, she used to visit her very often. Having cancer made it that she had the time to go visit but then she passed away and my godmother misses her terribly. Her remaining sons are trying to get her closer by and I told her if she came closer I would visit her. I dont drive, have no car so...

She suddenly understands me much more "I am all alone in a room and you are all alone in a room." Yeah, kind of the same. I told her how hard it was for me to get used to being really alone, "I have been single most of my adult life and at times it was so scary, so scary, really hard but now after all this time, I am used to it and I would even say prefer it. Sure if I met someone who did the things within me that would need to happen for me to want to open up again.

Having early childhood trauma kind of ruined me for relationships in many ways. Sure I have worked on it and I bet I am ready-ish for another meaningful relationship but everyday I do not meet someone special is fine by me.

I did put up an online profile recently:

I had the profile up for a couple of weeks but took it down. I was overwhelmed with emails and would modify my profile to attempt to curtail the unnecessary ones. No young boys, no blue eyes, no smokers. I didnt like the men I saw. I simply didnt like it so I took it down.

I am off to buy some soup bones. I need them. I have some spots on my teeth and bone broth is meant to be brilliant for that.

The rain is coming and hoping the rigmarole in the backyard will withstand water and keep it out of my home. I got the plywood under the plastic sheeting. I had just had a shower and then got covered in dirt.

The day before yesterday I took myself on a bike ride along the lake. I went as far as the bike trail goes.

 There are these kind of dumpy buildings near the end of my ride and I felt like I point to them one by one and go, Gone, gone, gone, gone prime real estate and they are right on the lake. Wow how nice for lower income folks. Behind them are the typical ugly monstrosities. "Lower 300's" Yuck. Oh it would be so lovely to be right on the lake with a view, wow.

Daisy took me to the river yesterday, so nice to see the Humber where we used to take the dogs. Between us we had three and then her daughter has one so sometimes it was four dogs playing in the water, loving nature. Now it was the two of us. There was a small film crew there. A few folks walking the trail but pretty quiet and very pretty.

 Getting out and breathing fresh air helps to put things in
perspective and clear out some of the cobwebs. It is so easy to be stressed about all these things, money, health, relationships and who knows. I was happy to spend a bit of time with my sister and see the Fall colors. I spent the rest of the day painting unitl about 11pm when my cat was like "Enough already go to bed so I can lie on you for a little while." I am working on a painting of her I started last year from life. Now I am working from a little picture on my laptop and dreaming of when I can afford to print things out and have a decent studio. Maybe that day will not ever arrive, it sure feels like after all these decades of sheer struggle. I love to paint though and hope to paint some more today.

"I'll do a Burt Reynolds pose"

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